This past month we made some big decisions. The first being that I will complete my Associates Degree this semester and not finish my Bachelor's Degree (for now, anyways.) The second being for me to see an Endocrinologist. And the final, relating more to the first decision, what I will do for work after April.
After much unrest, pondering, and prayer I have come to the decision to end my education here at BYU-Idaho with only an Associate's. As much as it disappoints me to have spent four years working really hard towards a Bachelor's and in the end only taking a two year degree, it's what we have decided will be best for me. Even after getting President Clark's permission to have a Math Ed minor and making it so that I will have the math background I need for teaching, my degree would not have been able to get me the jobs that I really want. I wouldn't have enough Marriage & Family background to go for a Masters (which is what you need to pursue a career in that field) because I only have a minor in it. And I wouldn't have any teaching experience besides tutoring, nor would I have had any education classes under my belt. And because I wouldn't have a Bachelor's in a core subject (like an actual Math degree), a majority of schools would not accept me into their teaching certification programs unless I was already hired by a school. With the limited background and education I would have, it's extremely unlikely that a school would hire me. Along with this, the harder I pushed to complete more schooling the more miserable I felt and the harder it became to make things work out. I reached a point where every night I'd get so frustrated with life that I would end up crying into Ethan's arms for extended periods of time. We spent weeks discussing what I should do and even arguing about it (he wanted me to do what I felt was right, but I wanted him to just tell me what to do). I have worried myself to the core thinking about how disappointed Ethan's parents will be in me and what my mom would think of me just "giving up", but Ethan has told me many times that I need to do what's right for me, and that I should maybe listen to the persistent feeling I've been getting about working from home so I can focus on getting my health to where it needs to be to start a family, and to not worry about what others think of me. (I'm also pretty sure he's tired of me being so cranky about the whole thing...) So I will finish the last remaining foundations course I need to get my associates and call it good. I have felt so much better since we settled on this. I still don't like to think about what others will say, but I feel better knowing that I will have time to focus on some other things that have really needed my attention (for example, things relating to the following paragraph). I've fought very hard to make things work so I can teach math and it's time I just let things go. Heavenly Father obviously has a different plan for me than I had for myself, it seems.
I've been treated for Hypothyroidism since fall of 2010. It's been good and bad at times, but things were mostly good with a really great peak Winter of 2013 when I felt so good that I briefly considered conquering the world. But since the beginning of last year, things have gone downhill very quickly. I stopped having periods and needed to sleep through entire days to feel like I had any little trace of energy. I saw a doctor about my missing periods and they tested for pregnancy (negative) and increased my medication. I got one period after that and haven't had one since (with pregnancy tests still coming up negative, mind you). My legs keep swelling up to the point that I feel like they are going to burst (thankfully my feet don't swell up that bad anymore!) And I was still so, so tired every day. Finally, we decided that I needed to go to a different doctor--someone with a lot of experience in Hypothyroidism. I talked with my mom about how we planned to start trying to get pregnant later this year, but it didn't seem like I'd ever be able to with the way things have been going. She told me to look up an endocrinologist and go. I had my first appointment yesterday. Dr. Vance seems extremely knowledgable and experienced with this kind of thing. He's also funny and he made me feel so much better about the entire situation. He said that while my thyroid is really low, it's not what's causing everything. He believes that I have what's called Dysmetabolic Syndrome X. (I have some lab testing that I am going in for tomorrow to confirm this and will be meeting with him again next Thursday.
Part of my worry about taking my Associate's instead of a Bachelor's is that the only places I'd be able to work would be fast food, retail (like Wal-Mart or whatnot), and other jobs that I really don't want to do for the rest of my life. Graduating in April (I will still walk in July since my mom and grandma are coming up then) means I will lose my favorite job (working on campus at the Math Study Center) and decent pay. [[I'm still not sure how I feel about that, but that's a rant for another time haha.]] Ethan still has at least one more year of school, so will need to rely on me still working. So we've decided that when I graduate, I will try to get into substitute teaching since you need at least 60 credits to do so. With this, if I'm too busy with other things I can turn down jobs or if we need more money I can accept more jobs. I will continue tutoring, just not on camps. (I currently tutor an 8th grader and a 9th grader.) I will have to be more proactive in getting my information out there so that I can get more students to tutor, but it's been a nice supplementary income so far, so it's definitely something I will keep. Especially since I enjoy teaching math. Besides these two definite things, there's a few other things I can do to bring in money... A long time a go I opened an Etsy account to sell my handmade cards. I never posted any to sell because I just didn't have time to make custom orders or to make enough to sell while working as a tutor and going to school. After April, I will have the time to dedicate to that. So I will be looking further into actually opening up that Etsy shop to the public. Also, I will have more time to dedicate to blogging and digital designing. There are a lot of people out there who make a living off of blogging and I plan to research that more and try to get something going there. These two things aren't for sure, but I want to give them a shot, especially since a little bit of money is better than no money at all. If none of these things pan out, I can always apply around town and in Idaho Falls, but I would like to try these options first. And it's possible that substitute teaching might even open the door for me to get certified to teach math! I'm not going to count on that happening, but it gives me a glimmer of hope that will keep me going.
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